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The Time Keeper
Time keeper.jpg
Number of Appearances 11
Played by Neil Campbell
First Episode The 6th Anniversary Show!
Latest Episode 3 Time Pizzas and Goose Liver Pate

The Time Keeper (aka Maxwell Keeper, aka Johnny Apple Watch) is a character played by Neil Campbell who has appeared on the podcast and the TV show. He is a 36-year-old observer and celebrator of time. A normal, non-supernatural guy, he lives in Tallahassee, FL, with his sister Eleanor Longo (née Keeper) and her husband, Desmond Longo. He works in his brother-in-law's watch repair shop and calls people getting their watch repaired every 10 minutes to tell them the time (based on the sun). His catchphrase is "Tick tock!" and he also says, "Hip heap hip hooray," which is a Florida thing. He was born on a Leap Day, meaning there are at least two ways of counting his age.

The Time Keeper dislikes the time 4:20; he has adopted a straight-edge, drug free lifestyle since a group of hillbillies held him down and drew Xs on his hands. 12 minutes is his least favorite amount of time. The reasons for the latter are not yet known - he simply referred to the time period as "a real NBA quarter".

His favorite direction of wind is south easterly. His favorite film is the 1923 silent film Safety Last, specifically for the scene in which Harold Lloyd hangs from a clock.

Maxwell is also a freelance entertainment consultant, lobbying for an increase in time-based media in Hollywood. He also claims to have written the original lyrics to the theme for the James Bond film 'No Time to Die', which Billie Eilish rejected due to the fact that they were primarily about Desmond.


List of Appearances
Episode Release Date Other Characters Other Guests
713: 3 Time Pizzas and Goose Liver Pate 7.4.21 Cleotis Martholobew, Wolfgang Puck Mike Mitchell, Carl Tart, Jessica Jean Jardine
643: The Order of the Keepers 3.1.20 JW Stillwater Paul F. Tompkins
483: The 420 Show 4.20.17 Dr. Green, Colin Ramsey Zeke Nicholson, Matt Besser
463: 2016 Holiday Spectacular 12.12.16 Gino Lambardo, John Lennon, Al A. Peterson, Gary Urbansky, Ron Urbansky, Frosty the Snowman, Norm Hamer, Ming, Keith Jones, Jesse Ventura, Dr. Green, Victor Diamond, Tiny, Willard "Willy" Mapleton Jason Mantzoukas, Jon Gabrus, Mike Hanford, Paul F. Tompkins, Tawny Newsome, Tim Baltz, Rhea Butcher, Will Hines, Ryan Gaul, Jeremy Rowley, Drew Tarver, James Adomian, Zeke Nicholson, Brendon Small
2016 Tour, New York Pt. 4 5.14.16 Regina Crimp, Sam Elliott, Lisa Porsche Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins
2016 Tour, Boston Pt. 2 5.7.16 Werner Herzog, Big Sue Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus
419: The 7th Anniversary Show! 5.2.16 Shelly Driftwood, John Lennon, Olivier & Wiliger Wronge Jason Mantzoukas, Paul F. Tompkins, Horatio Sanz, Mike Hanford, Tim Baltz, Drew Tarver
404: The Timeys Leap Year Celebration 2.29.16 The Sun Dialer, The Clock Facer, The Watch Maker, The Old Timer, The Time Master, JW Stillwater Jessica Jean Jardine, Ronnie Adrian, Betsy Sodaro, Carl Tart, Tim Kalpakis, Paul F. Tompkins
391: 2015 Holiday Spectacular 12.14.15 Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, Ho Ho the Elf, Gino Lambardo, John Lennon, David Bunting Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, Jon Gabrus, Mike Hanford, Will Hines
374: Tick Tock Clawk 9.10.15 Marco Paul Rust, Fran Gillespie
349: The 6th Anniversary Show! 5.4.15 Cake Boss, Ho Ho the Elf, Klaus Schneider, John Lennon, Chad Warren, Brad Hammerstone, Rickster, Alan Thicke, Santa Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, Thomas Middleditch, Mike Hanford, Erin Whitehead, Joe Wengert, Paul Scheer