Mike the Janitor is a character played by Paul F. Tompkins. He is a janitor who works cleaning up filth; all he asks for in return is a simple paycheck. He is a former Harvard math professor until he had a wife swap/life swap with Atherton Witherflower. He is married to a wonderful woman named June, though he has been promised a new wife at some point in the future. His life goal is to clean up the Texas-sized/America-sized mound of garbage floating in the Pacific.
He once assumed the identity of Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. Due to a very cursory understanding of who Andrew Lloyd Webber is, he has appeared as the lead in a performance of a student theater production of Cats. As mentioned in Heynong Man, these events have proven difficult for a certain wiki to follow.