| Mike Ruby | |
|---|---|
| Number of Appearances | 3 |
| Played by | Shaun Diston |
| First Episode | #NoStank |
| Latest Episode | 2021 Holiday Spectacular
|
Mike Ruby is a character played by Shaun Diston.
He is a plumber in the Los Angeles area. His company has been operating for 200 years. He fell into this job because he would disassociate while taking a poop, and would then have to clean up after himself.
He is formally known as Mike Ruby, the No Stank Plumber. The Mike Ruby Guarantee was that he would "fix any bathroom situation with zero stank. #NoStank"
He is currently known as Mike Ruby, the Regular Stank Plumber---. This transformation occurred after an in-depth evaluation of himself and the immense pressure he was under. He has come to the realization that sometimes he's going to smell.
In addition to his job as a plumber, he is also a talented voice actor. His skills in this field are just below that of Michael Winslow.
His commercials are shot in front of a live studio audience and air on satellite radio due to the prolific cursing.
He signed a (legally binding) D.A.R.E. contract when he was 13 years old.
Once wrote an article entitled: "10 Things Your Crush Might Have in Their Bathroom".
He had a huge falling out with Mike Diamond, the No Smell Plumber.
His mental health is still a bit uneven, even after the positive change in his life to becoming the "Regular Stank Plumber". This is made evident with his sudden accent shifts.
Appearance[]
He has a flowing mane of hair that goes down to his butthole (when sitting) and butt-crack (when standing).
His beard is so long, it touches the ground. It also extends 3 feet in front of him (a real "Princess Diana-in-Reverse" situation).
To avoid getting cancelled, he has sewed the top of his ass-crack.
Mike Ruby the No Stank Plumber's ORIGINAL 11-Step Process[]
His plumbing process includes 11 steps:
1. He receives a call at his house from the customer.
2. He hops in the shower. This is to assure than no additional stank is brought into the customer's stank environment. In the shower, he will use:
- a. Garnier Fructis
- b. Paul Mitchell shampoos/conditioners
- c. Tom's of Maine bar soap (for exfoliation)
3. He drives to the house
- a. Gets in car.
- b. Rolls up all the windows (to prevent any outside smells).
- c. Sprays heavy chemicals:
- i. Osmium
- ii. New car smell
- iii. Bleach
- iv. Febreze
This scent is known as the "The Mike Ruby Signature Smell(TM)".
4. He gets out of the car, takes off all of his clothes and sprays Axe Body Spray, head-to-toe.
5. He asks the customer to point in the direction of the stank.
6. He begins floating off the ground like Pepe Le Pew towards the stank.
7. He hops into the customer's shower.
8. When the shower is done, he disassociates outside of his body.
- a. He cannot stand the smell or sight of poop, so this helps him cope with that.
- b. This step is remembered by using the phrase "Disassoci-8".
9. He hits his head on the side of the sink.
10. He wakes up and hopes that the bathroom is clean.
11. If the bathroom is not clean, he will burn the residence to the ground.
- a. This is part of the fine print on the Mike Ruby Guarantee, and happens once or twice a month.
Once he is complete with the job, he begins to live in the house.
Mike Ruby the Regular Stank Plumber's NEW 11-Step Process[]
His revised plumbing process includes 11 steps:
1. He receives a call at his house from the customer.
2. Looks at his shower and says, "I do not need you today."
3. He drives to the house
- Still prevents outside smells, but now he will crack the window a bit.
- The car does not stop.
- Instead, the car slows down to about 10 mph and he tucks and rolls out the door.
- 10% of the time, the car will hit a dumpster and stop.
- The other 90% of the time, he burns the neighborhood to the ground (so there are no insurance claims).
4. When standing in front of the customer's door, he farts once and then rings the doorbell.
5. He asks the customer to point in the general direction of the stank. (East, West, North, South)
- The customer will often point at Mike (because of the fart).
6. He begins floating off the ground like Pepe Le Pew towards the stank.
7. Once in the bathroom, he does deep-inhale meditation and breath work.
- He does this to get comfortable with the smells.
- This takes smell out of the equation.
8. Disassociates himself.
- This step is remembered by using the phrase "Disassoci-8".
9. He hits his head on the side of the sink.
10. He wakes up and hopes that the bathroom is clean.
11. If the bathroom is not clean, he will burn the residence to the ground.
Appearances[]
| Episode | Release Date | Other Characters | Guests |
|---|---|---|---|
| 737: 2021 Holiday Spectacular | 12.12.21 | Mike the Janitor, Randy Snutz, Dagmar the Small, Bennett Quints, The Chief, Michael Lindsay-Hogg, Crapy the Reindeer, Albert Roe | Paul F. Tompkins, Tim Baltz, Jessica McKenna, Will Hines, Carl Tart, Dan Lippert, Mary Holland, Matt Apodaca |
| 715: Ho No Dew Didn't | 7.18.21 | JP Fossord, Yaslenny Madelin | Haley Joel Osment, Joe Wengert, Raiza Licea |
| 691: #NoStank | 1.31.21 | Randy Snutz, Diana Deep | Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan |